Chestnuts roasting, Gran snoring and sleigh bells ringing, ah, what bliss.
Years of childhood magic (presents) have helped to create an almost Pavlovian response to the sounds of Christmas and from Bing Crosby to Shaking Stevens, it doesn’t take much to get us in the festive mood.
However, are we really looking forward to spending two or three days cooped up together as a family? Are there times when we wish that we could leave the tinselled world behind and jet off abroad? I’m sure we’ve all secretly longed to go on a winter break but the thought of missing out on a traditional Christmas, warts and all, is a pretty hard habit to break.
One family that laughs in the face of forced festive frolics is the Griffins from Family Guy. It wouldn’t take much persuading for them, individually of course, to go on a huge variety of activity holidays, leaving Santa and Rudolph in their wake.
It’s with this in mind that I’ve compiled a few suggestions to help the Griffins have a very happy Christmas as they escape to locations as far away from each other as possible.
Peter
I thought that the patriarch of the show would really enjoy a trip to the Catholic heartland of Italy and what better way to travel than by bike? Cycling holidays in Italy are a splendid way to see the country and as Peter begins to navigate scenic mountain roads and welcoming pizzerias he’d no doubt revel in the chance to wear all that Lycra. Of course, it might be a tad chilly around this time of year but if anyone could benefit from shedding a few pounds while freezing their butt off then it’s the head of the Griffin household.
Lois
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Lois, who could be more deserving of a week or two in paradise? As with any former (gambling, shoplifting, bulimia) addict, time to relax and take stock is an essential tool for getting back onto the straight and narrow. Thailand offers a hugely diverse range of locations and activities that are just perfect for Ms Pewterschmidt to enjoy and I think she’d really love the opportunity to meditate during a Thai massage on the palm-fringed beaches of the south. From Phuket to Phi Phi, Koh Samui to Krabi, this is your time Lois so relax, unwind and enjoy.
Chris
I feel that the ‘Elephant Child’ would really benefit from a couple of weeks on the Southeast Asian island of Borneo. Not only would he be able to laze on the beach, jungle trek and swim with dolphins, he’d be able to face up to one of his childhood fears, evil monkeys. As soon as Chris steps foot into the Sepilok orangutan sanctuary he’d see that not all monkeys are bad and perhaps that little guy in the wardrobe back home is just as scared as he is.
Brian & Stewie
Where better to send these two culture loving thespians than good old London? After a trip around the boutiques and bars of Soho, a night on the town would surely catapult them into Christmas heaven. This is a splendid opportunity for the boys to really let their hair down and from the bright lights of Oxford Street to the musicals of the West End, there’s nowhere better for Brian & Stewie to paint the town red.
Meg
Ah bless Meg at this time of year as she’s as likely to get what she wants as Rudolph is of sorting out his nasal issues. So, maybe a break away from the family will do her the power of good. All she needs to do to blossom from a winter weed into a gorgeous flower is a bit of self-belief and the confidence to lose that hat! India is calling Meg and from the mountains and national parks of Rājasthān to the beaches and yoga retreats of Goa, throw off your shackles young pigeon and soar like an eagle.
Just as Christmas presents a romantic vision of what we’d dearly like it to be, the Griffins provide a frightening image of what we’re glad our families are not.
Whatever you get up to this holiday season bear one thing in mind: however annoying, frustrating or downright irritating your family is at Christmas, it could be a lot worse!
